When practice does not make perfect and why it's OK to fail.

Walking around Tenby on Monday 10th 2018 was tough, not because I hurt physically (well I did!) but instead it was seeing everyone who tamed the dragon on Sunday wearing their finisher t-shirts – yep I was a DNF at Ironman Wales (IMW) yesterday. But before I reflect on it – I wanted to say a heartfelt thanks for the kind policemen (#Tenby_NPT) who came to my assistance and then the paramedic on the bike – top blokes the three of them, though especially the chap that gave me his jacket and rang my wife. Also a thank you to all the folk that encouraged me and asked if I was Ok on the run leg, and finally a thank you to the guy that gave me a water bottle at the beginning of the day that was I'm sure a memory of a past Ironman event for him.

So for those of you who are not aware - I went into IMW with 30 weeks of training with a primary aim of shifting my sedentary lifestyle to a more healthy one, swapping working in the evenings for exercise and making a positive move to improve my work/life balance.

I started at pretty much zero, prior to this I'd done no swim training, running was the odd few miles here and there and bike rides were a leisurely affair on the odd weekend. Where I got to was a swim that was the fastest and furthest I’ve ever gone and 12 minutes under the best time I thought I could achieve - 2.4 miles/4,383yd @ 1:47 /100yd - 1hr 18min total, I was so, so pleased with it. My bike was a under the time that I was aiming for and again, the furthest I have ever ridden (110.20 miles with 8,330 feet of climbing in 7hrs 47min). My first lap of the run was spot on, 6 miles done in about 1hr 15min, but this was just not enough to complete the race.

So, onto my story, I still don’t really know what happened, but my stomach was really, really not happy on the bike, I kept getting stomach cramps which I think then led to me getting really cold when the temperature dropped, I was so thankful the few times the sun came out! I also had a moment at one of the feed stations where I mistimed getting a banana, which meant I lost balance and had to emergency unclip and hurt my ankle in the process. This slowed me down for a while but pushed through and finished the bike just fine. Then going onto the run and I felt it started really well, I was still cold but did the first lap of 6 miles just fine and was feeling really positive, then I managed to catch my ankle again on the run and this reduced me to a hobbling walk after 6 miles – there so was much support and encouragement from everyone, both fellow competitors and the crowd and I pushed and pushed with all my body, mind and soul could give, but when walking out of Tenby for the second time (at about 15 miles) my body just completely gave up on me and I wound up huddled on some steps, where I was subsequently rescued at first by two policemen and then a paramedic.

As I try to process the sense of failure, both the deep personal sense of failure and the feeling of failure to those that sponsored me, plus also trying try to understand what caused this to happen, I now think it was a mix of things - my nutrition plan went out of the window, I managed to leave my water bottles in the house, along with my food that I had planned to carry in my cycling jersey! Funnily enough I was not particularly phased by these first thing in the morning, and as mentioned, a really kind guy gave me a spare bottle he had and I figured as I had been training with the products offered on the course (Enervit) so should be fine with the nutrition provided on the course. But I think it ultimately was probably not eating enough solids on the bike, getting to the run and my body had just started to shut down as a result of being cold

I’ve so many positives to take away from this – I’d never swum as far, or as fast as I had on Sunday, I’d never biked as far as I had on Sunday, and I made 15 miles on the run, again the furthest I had ever run. In total I did 129 miles, starting at approximately 7am and finishing somewhere around 21:45. This in itself (even if I do say so myself) is something to be so proud of. I may not be an Ironman but I learnt so much about how far I can push myself mentally and physically which is an awesome thing in itself, a thing I’ll keep with me for a long time to come. The training has meant I've now lost just over two stone (almost 13kg) plus I've already entered other triathlon events next year and would it not have been for a pre-planned family holiday, I'd be trying IMW again - as it is, I have my sights firmly set on 2020 for the next attempt!

But just as importantly - it's taught me how to fail, I'm sure there will be presentations in the future that I'll prepare for and they will not go to plan, projects that have last minute problems and so on.... and you know, that's fine, as each time that happens its an opportunity to learn, to understand what could have been done differently. But this is also something I've learnt on my journey - it's absolutely not an opportunity to ask "what you could have done 'better'?" - that leads to a road of self doubt, feelings of failure and inferences of 'did you really try/prepare/whatever enough?' - It's a conversation I hear a lot, and something I know I'm guilty of doing in the past, I for one will be changing from today and shifting my mentality - instead I'll asking what could have been done differently and help people build on the success that can be gained out of what looks like failure to some.

So don't be afraid, give something your all and if it does not work out - you and those around you will absolutely recognise what you put into it and you will inevitably grow and be a changed person for it.